Find out here.

Amaze your friends and family!

Note from the website's creator: "I decided to only use articles from the New York Times. This tool works best if you have a birthday after the 1950s."

I had my Crack Research Team©®™ do the heavy lifting here so you don't have to.

Long story — and a lot of annoying time — short: The description above is dead on: the site won't work if your birthday's before January 1, 1960.

Sorry, fellow geezers: we're out of luck.

Wait a sec — what's that song I'm hearing?